Elevator pitch
Asked by Richard Westover on January 11, 2021
Dear Jerry,
I very much enjoyed your class on how to write a winning elevator pitch.
A key element of my manuscript is that it closely mirrors an unusual event in history and relates a fictional 'conspiracy' to explain why things turned out as they did.
However, I'm finding it tough to convey this and the story idea in a couple of sentences – do you think the below is too long?
In 1895 Cecil Rhodes attempted to annex the Boer South African Republic and its vast gold wealth. It ended in a fiasco known as the Jameson Raid for reasons that are still not agreed on.
A man investigating his father’s death uncovers a conspiracy to double-cross Rhodes and dominate the world’s gold production. He avenges his father, causing both the conspirators’ and Rhodes’s plots to fail, averting a war between America and Britain.
Jerry's Answer
Yes, Richard, it's too long. Names will not be remembered; think idea, not plot.
A man investigating his father’s death uncovers a conspiracy to dominate the world gold market. He avenges his father and averts a war between America and Britain.