Ask Jerry
Elevator Pitch Ideas
Asked by Mia Brabaek on January 24, 2021
Hello Jerry! I attended your elevator pitch session, but didn't get mine in fast enough. Would you be willing to look it over? Here it is–
An assassin living on the dead, forgotten planet of New Terra tries to escape before the remaining population can discover she is the only immune to the planet's deadly, mutating disease. But when a roguish spy crash lands on the planet and becomes entangled in helping her escape, they begin to uncover a biogenetic weapons project sanctioned by the American Government that has kept both the girl and the planet locked and secret for a 150 years.
Jerry's Answer
Sure, Mia. It's too long, too detailed, and raises questions rather than answering them. Try this:
An assassin must escape a forgotten planet before its inhabitants discover she is the only antidote to a deadly disease.
[My question would be, however, how do you make an assassin a sympathetic character? What will make readers care what becomes of her?]