Ask Jerry
Nailing the opener
Asked by Catherine Bowen on March 31, 2020
My memoir begins:
I lived in a hell of unrelenting pain and overwhelming fear.
There was no way out.
Except one.
No one would miss me.
Does this opening meet the criteria for introducing voice and establishing mood?
Thanks!
Jerry's Answer
It does, Catherine, but less is more. Those adjectives actually lessen the power of your sentences rather than enhance it.
I lived in a hell of pain and fear.
I would delete the next two sentences, which border on cliche. Again, less is more. How much more stark to follow that opening line with:
No one would miss me.
Good luck with it.