Ask Jerry
Nonfiction
Asked by Pamela Jones on March 31, 2020
What are examples of engaging openers for a biography for children? What suggestions do you offer for my opener written below?
With one eye crusted with blood, my big brother slept like a baby on the bottom bunk in the room he shared with his older brother.
Jerry's Answer
Pamela, I'm struck by way too much irrelevant detail here (I mean, his place in the family, sharing a room, which bunk, etc., may prove to be relevant, and if so, it can emerge later, but for a gripping opener, stick to the juxtaposition of sleeping like a baby, yet having been bloodied).
Despite one eye crusted with blood, my big brother appeared to sleep like a baby.
You can't unequivocally say he was sleeping like a baby, because we're in your head, not his, but you can say he appeared to.