Omniscient viewpoint
Asked by Jason Ashwood on May 11, 2020
Good morning Jerry,
I trust this finds you all well.
Towards the end of my second ballet memoir I seek to show how dancing feels. The subject watches his dance partner on stage before he joins her. She provides narrative elsewhere, but I want to bring her feelings into the performance to create a greater sense of immediacy.
I attach an excerpt below.
(The subject's POV continues). Under her sparkling tiara and winning smile she perfectly embodied the anticipation created by the overture.
(Her POV feels in new paragraph) Once I enter the stage I am completely lost and the music saves me. I'm invincible, without pain, and feel so much bigger than I am.
He continues.
There is one more section of omniscient POV.
I only used italics for her POV here, otherwise, I can't seem to differentiate between them.
Please could you advise as to whether moving to omniscient viewpoint works this way? If not, how can I best achieve expressing her feelings too?
Many thanks, Jason
Jerry's Answer
Thanks, Jason. I'm not sure I understand. You say the "subject's POV continues." I take it the woman under the tiara you're referring to in third person is the subject you're talking about. If I'm right, I would avoid the omniscient viewpoint and begin with her feelings immediately. And don't alternate between first and third person unless you use first- to express an actual thought.
So:
She wears a sparkling tiara and can't help smiling as the overture brings her anticipation to its zenith. Once she takes the stage, she feels the music captivate and save her. She's invincible. Painless. Feeling so much bigger than she is.
(Her POV feels in new paragraph) [I don't understand what you mean by "Her POV feels..."]
Once I enter the stage I am completely lost [I find this confusing; why would a great professional dancer feel completely lost on stage? I should think she would feel at home and thrilled to be there; or do you mean lost in the story and music?] and the music saves me[saves her from what?]. I'm invincible, without pain, and feel so much bigger than I am.
He continues.
There is one more section of omniscient POV.[As I say, I would avoid that]
I only used italics for her POV here[I don't know about over there, but stateside italics are now frowned upon, even for thoughts], otherwise, I can't seem to differentiate between them.
Please could you advise as to whether moving to omniscient viewpoint works this way? [Most would urge you to avoid omniscient.]
If not, how can I best achieve expressing her feelings too? [see above]