Opening
Asked by Shane Eash on May 11, 2020
Hey Jerry,
Would you mind critiquing the first two paragraphs of my historical novel? Do you think it starts too slow?
Rome, A.D. 67
A lone figure stepped toward the double arched gate. Two aqueducts flowed above the Porta Praestina, rushing through the channel. Beaming against his neck, the sun turned the aged bricks golden. For Maximus, this gate embodied a gateway to death.
The left arch flooded with gleaming metal as a body of men emerged from the city. Maximus jumped behind a bolder. His breath escaped him. Clutching the sides of the rock, he slipped a glance. Seven armed soldiers clad in chain mail and red plumed helmets paraded through the gate. They approached a figure in black standing behind a wooden block. He brandished an ax.
Jerry's Answer
Sure, Shane:
The very fact that you fear it starts too slow means that it does. That's what makes you a novelist.
Here's how I would start this, and let the stuff I cut here emerge later.
For Maximus the the double-arched gateway embodied death.
The left gate flooded with armed soldiers in chain mail and red plumed helmets. Maximus ducked behind a bolder as they approached a figure in black, brandishing an ax.