Pitch
Asked by Kate Neal on January 9, 2021
I’m telling my story in the third person past tense, with the beginning and ending scene being the same: A man rummages through a woman’s purse, the owner of which lay dead on the couch behind him. Chapters alternate in perspective between the man and woman, each revealing more about their personal motives – from their first meeting to the ending, when the man and woman are shown to be the same person from alternate worlds. Working on the pitch but it sounds more like a tagline of sorts. Your guidance is appreciated!
When an obsessed Scientist discovers the key to interdimensional travel, an interstellar serial killer is born, exacting revenge on his lover’s murderer as he jumps between worlds. His lover’s murderer? Himself.
Jerry's Answer
It's big concept, Kate, I'll give you that. I'd tweak it this way:
A scientist travels between dimensions to exact revenge on his lover’s murderer, who turns out to be himself.
Putting myself in an agent or acquisitions editor's shoes, I wonder what the stakes are. What are the consequences if he fails? And you need to tell what happens. One more sentence that makes it clear that he's not only the murderer but the murdered--which, in my opinion is so convoluted that it will cost you interest on their parts. He discovers he's the murderer, and he's also the victim, and to exact revenge on the murderer he kills himself again? Like I say, it's big concept, but what's the point? In the end it's a murder/suicide with one victim. What is the reader to gain from this?