POV & character descriptions
Asked by Matthew Nieland on April 18, 2023
In a scene where a character is alone, how do we describe the character's facial expessions without violating POV? The lone character cannot see his own face, but I want to show his emotional state. For example, in the excerpt below, I'm trying to show that the character, who is alone in a cave, is in emotional pain:
"He slouched against the wall and looked at the top of the cave.
Blade did not deserve to die that way. Why did this happen?
He lowered his eyebrows, squeezed his eyes shut, and wrinkled his nose. Pounding his fist against the floor, he said, “Son of a bitch!” How could God let this happen?"
Do the words "he lowered his eyebrows, squeezed his eyes shut, and wrinkled his nose" violate POV? If so, how can I show his emotional pain without violating POV?
Jerry's Answer
They don't violate POV, Matthew, but they're not necessary. The heart of the scene is how he feels, not how he looks or a bunch of stage direction regarding his features.
"He slouched against the wall and looked up. [I assume you've established he's in a cave, so we don't need to be told what he saw at the top of the cave.]
Blade [is this a separate character? your POV character has had a friend die?] did not deserve to die that way. [this is unneeded; it goes without saying--it's the point of the scene Why did this happen?]
[I would delete all this and let his monologue do the work He lowered his eyebrows, squeezed his eyes shut, and wrinkled his nose. Pounding his fist against the floor, he said,] “Son of a bitch!”[don't think you need him to say this aloud as you're in his head anyway. How could God let this happen?"
So:
He slouched against the wall and looked up. Blade did not deserve to die that way.
Son of a bitch! How could God let this happen?