show don’t tell
Asked by Tom Hayden on February 27, 2020
Thanks for the webinar “Show Don't Tell.” I am reading a memoir and “Goodreads” has it as one of the top voted books of 2018. It appears the author is telling not showing. For instance, she writes something like this.
My father is not a tall man, but his gruff voice demands attention. If his power of speech doesn't capture your awareness, his apple spice tobacco emanating from his Armellini Pipe surely will.
Again my rendition off the top of my head. Yet, isn't this telling? Father's not tall, has gruff voice, demands attention, smokes a pipe with apple spice flavor. Still, I've read several chapters and this is how this author has written. I find myself doing this with my own memoir. I'm having difficulty any suggestions? Thanks so much. Tom
Jerry's Answer
That hits me as sort of in between telling and showing, Tom. In other words, it could be worse. But, yes, how much better to show him in conversation, bellowing with that gruff voice. And show him short rather than just telling that he's not tall. "...capture your awareness..." is a perfect example of writtenese, where we become aware of the writing itself and not the content. All things to watch for.