Too much, too little?
Asked by Anna Bottoms on December 21, 2020
These are the first lines of my novel. I'm in my head way too much to be objective. Opinion?
Ryan sat hunched in his cell. The coldness of the cement slab seeped into his body as he blindly stared at a crack on the opposite wall. Like a reflection in a house of mirrors, there was no escape. He saw Kelsey lying at the bottom of the stairs in a pool of blood.
He looked up with burning eyes when the door clanked open. Detective Jones stepped into the cell, placed a folded piece of paper on the cot and said, “You might want to take a look at that.”
Ryan turned back to the wall, tried to push the paper from his mind. He picked it up, running his finger along the edge and began to read.
Ryan,
Please don’t shut us out. Accidents happen. Even though this is tragic we can all get through it together. God gives us families to strengthen us when we are weak on our own. Don’t blame yourself. Please allow us to be there for you.
We love you.
April
Jerry's Answer
Ryan sat hunched in his cell, the coldness of the cement seeping into his body.
Whenever he shut his eyes, all he could see was Kelsey at the bottom of the stairs in a pool of blood.
A guard unlocked his door and Detective Jones stepped in. He dropped a folded piece of paper on the cot.
Ryan,
Please don’t shut us out. Accidents happen. We can all get through it together. God gives us families for when we're weak. Allow us to be there for you.
We love you.
April